Four years after As I Lay Dying singer Tim Lambesis pleaded guilty to a felony murder solicitation charge for his part in hiring an undercover agent to murder his estranged wife, the metalcore frontman has posted a lengthy apology note on the band’s Facebook page on Monday morning (Dec. 18). It was the first public comment from Lambesis, who served two years of a six-year sentence and was released on parole in Dec. 2016.
“Words cannot begin to express how deeply sorry I am for the hurt that I have caused. There is no defense for what I did, and I look back on the person I became with as much disdain as many of you likely do,” wrote the Grammy-nominated band’s singer. “First, I apologize to my former wife and remarkable children for my appalling actions. There’s not a single day that goes by where I don’t wish I could undo the damage I caused, and out of respect for their wishes I will not discuss anything else about them (now or in the future). I also ask anyone reading this to promote healing for them by respecting their privacy and defending them from any negativity or anger which should be directed towards me. I was the sole offender and the only one to blame for everything that happened.”
The bodybuilder/singer, who had often spoken of his Christian faith in the past and adopted three children from Ethiopia with his ex-wife, was arrested in May 2013 for attempting to hire a hitman to murder his then-estranged wife, Meggan Murphy Lambesis; the alleged hitman was an undercover agent. He apologized to his family in the FB post, saying he was sorry for the trauma they faced and may still feel.
“This is an ongoing sentence many of you serve because of me,” he continued. “I am so sorry to my friends who were betrayed by everything I hid from them and all the hardships I caused people who used to work with me. Band mates, road crew, managers, attorneys, agents, label people, and more all had to suffer through many unexpected changes because of my actions. While they were dealing with the aftermath of my arrest, I responded toward many of them with bitterness that I should have directed toward myself. I know that I can’t undo the animosity I brought their way, but I hope to mend what I can now as time goes on.”
Lambesis also apologized to the fans who looked up to him, lamenting that he often wrote lyrics about the person he wanted to be instead of the one that he was. He insisted that his apology note was not part of promoting any new music and that he’s not sure what his future looks like right now, explaining that he’s chosen to remain quit since his sentencing hearing in order to keep any apology free of other motivations. Now clear of his probation and parole requirements, Lambesis said that he realizes that nothing he says can really change what happened.
“Let it be clear that no amount of time served can right my wrongs,” he wrote. “I do not feel deserving of a second chance and am not asking for anyone’s trust. The way many people feel about me makes sense, and only time will tell if my future actions line up with my remorse, something I pray for every day. In the last five years, the ripple effect of all my actions has extended further than a written statement can address. Thus, I will continue to apologize in both words and actions moving forward.”
Read the full note below.