Andrea Constand sat down with Dateline‘s Kate Snow for her first interview in 13 years to share her experience with Bill Cosby, and why she chose to come forward with her accusations that he sexually assaulted her. Cosby has since been found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent assault against Constand in 2004.
In the Friday (June 1) special, called “Bringing Down Bill Cosby: Andrea Constand Speaks,” Constand, who met the actor and comedian after a Temple University basketball game 16 years ago, said she came forward with her story for justice. “This has never been about money. This has been about justice. I wasn’t talking money. I was talking police and justice,” she said.
Of the assault, she recalled that Cosby offered her three blue pills. “He put his hand out, and I said, ‘What are those?’ and he said, ‘They’ll help you relax.'” Constand said she viewed Cosby as a mentor and was anxious about her job at the university (where Cosby was a distinguished alum). “I took them because I trusted that they would maybe just help me feel a little more relaxed.”
She said she started to have double vision and was slurring her words, at which point Cosby moved her to the couch and began to assault her, Constand said. “My mind is saying, ‘Move your hands. Kick. Can you do anything? I don’t want this. Why is this person doing this?’ And me not being able to react in any specific way,” she said. “I was limp. I was a limp noodle.”
“He said nothing that I could recall. I was in and out of consciousness.” Constand added, “I was crying out inside, in my throat and my mind, for this to stop, and I couldn’t do anything.”
She also said she didn’t tell anyone about the assault initially because she was ashamed and blamed herself. Constand explained that she hesitated to speak out because of her attacker’s influence. “I didn’t think anybody would believe me. It was Bill Cosby. It was Dr. Huxtable,” she said. “I thought I was the only person that he did this to. Who’s gonna believe me?”
And although she admitted she thinks Cosby is “sick,” she said she ultimately had to forgive him. “I forgave Bill Cosby for what he did to me. I forgive him. It’s been many, many years. And if I did not forgive him, I wouldn’t have peace. And I sit here today and I have my peace,” she said.
The special also featured interviews with Constand’s mother, Gianna Constand, and four other women who testified against Cosby in April: Janice Baker-Kinney, Lise-Lotte Lublin, Heidi Thomas and Chelan Lasha. The women praised Constand for coming forward, calling her a hero.
Of these other women, Constand insisted, “I’m not alone. It’s a collective consciousness. And so I would rather say we brought down Bill Cosby, but I just had the shoes on.”
This article originally appeared on The Hollywood Reporter.