It’s no surprise when a rock star or singer slaps their name on perfume or a clothing line, but not every celeb-product matchup makes any kind of sense. When Justin Bieber, possibly the least emo teenage boy in the world, announced a nail polish collection this week, it seemed like the perfect time to round up 10 weird, out-of-character, or just plain bad pop-star products. Trey Songz ballet slippers, anyone?
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Justin Bieber’s Nail Polish
If a memoir, comic book and line of dolls weren’t enough to satisfy Justin Bieber fanatics, the pop star has just announced the “One Less Lonely Girl” nail polish line, which will be sold at Wal-Mart beginning in December. The line will feature shades like, er, “One Less Lonely Glitter,” “Prized Possession Purple,” “Give Me the First Dance” and “Me + Blue.”
Lil Wayne Condoms
Who better than a rapper with five kids to put his name on a brand of condoms? A couple of years ago, Lil Wayne made a very suggestive ad for his Strapped condoms which found him leaning over the hood of a car while a police officer cuffed him from behind. The idea of buying something called “baggyhead” from him is also a little, ug, hard to take. In Nicki Minaj’s famous words: Pause. Still, we appreciate Weezy’s efforts to get rappers to wrap it.
Carlos Santana Stilettos
Surprisingly, the Carlos by Carlos Santana shoe line for women continues to do well in stores, despite the fact that the man hawking them is a 63-year-old guitar icon who we very seriously doubt has ever worn his creations. Santana’s line of bejeweled heels, boots and sandals may be gaudy as all get out, but at least a portion of the proceeds go toward the charity the Milagro Foundation.
Trey Songz Ballet Slippers
Trey Songz may be best-known for his outrageous bedroom boasts, but unless you have a foot fetish, his signature ballet slippers prove the R&B stud doesn’t have a one track mind. Though you have to wonder why he’s thinking this much about women’s feet. (Paging Carlos Santana!) Songz’ “Passion, Pain & Pleasure” ballerina flats are made to “soothe your sole.” Ooh, he does puns too.
Weezer Snuggies
Just when fans thought Weezer couldn’t get any more cutesy with its pop culture nods (who else makes “Happy Days,” Muppet and YouTube-themed music videos?), the rockers made a Weezer-branded Snuggie last year. Basically, it’s a blue Snuggie with the Weezer logo printed on the front, since apparently it would be a shame to cover up a Weezer T-shirt while rocking a Snuggie on the couch in your underheated hipster slum.
Rap Snacks
They’re advertised as “the official snack of hip-hop,” because hip-hop supposedly needs an official brand of food-like product sealed in a foil bag and stamped with cartoons of rappers like Lil Romeo and Mack 10? Choose from potato chips, popcorn, plus the recently added pork skins and cracklings.
Jessica Simson Mini-Wigs
Jessica Simpson wants you to know that girls with bigger hair have more fun. The pop/reality star has a line of hair additions, clip-on extensions and headband extensions – interchangeable headbands with 21″ long synthetic hair attached. There are also the wrap-around pony tail, the bump up the volume extension, and even fiber clip-in bangs and much more. We’ve heard of clip-on ties, but clip-on bangs? Really?
WuChess
The Wu-Tang Clan detailed their love of chess in their classic cut “Da Mystery of Chessboxin’,” but group mastermind RZA took his passion to a new level when he started the WuChess web site in 2008. Fans could play chess online, chat, and receive Wu-Tang information all in one location. WuChess is currently inactive but “will return later in 2010,” according to a message on the site. What we want to know is how hard is it to keep a chess website running?
Nelly’s Pimp Juice
After Nelly released “Pimp Juice” as a slow-jam single in 2003, it was only a matter of time before the song’s fictional product became a real beverage. Co-owned by Nelly and manufactured in his native St. Louis, pimp juice was a “non-carbonated energy drink possessing a topical berry flavor” and a “smooth neon green glow.” Mmmm, tasty neon green glow. While Nelly continues to produce Hot 100 hits like “Just a Dream,” the pimp juice brand has sadly been discontinued.
KISS Kaskets
Even Billboard has acknowledged that Kiss have been masters of merch in the music industry, but the Kiss Kasket, which sold from 2001 to 2008, literally took the concept to its final limit. Forget wanting to just “Rock And Roll All Nite,” how about FOREVER?