When Chris Rock last hosted the Oscars in 2005, the world was a very different place. Bush was still in office. Twitter didn’t exist yet.
On Sunday, Rock will return to the Dolby Theatre (or Kodak Theatre, circa 2005) to host the 88th Academy Awards. To prepare for what will certainly be a controversial hosting stint, we revisited Rock’s opening monologue from over a decade ago to remind ourselves just how far Rock is willing to take his jabs.
#OscarsSoWhite Is Not a New Issue
It turns out that this year’s ever-trending #OscarsSoWhite debate is not a new phenomenon at all, but rather one that Chris Rock addressed over a decade ago. “Great night tonight,” Rock began. “We have four black nominees tonight, so greaaaaaat,” he said sarcastically, referring to the nominations of Jamie Foxx, Morgan Freeman, Don Cheadle and Sophie Okonedo. “It’s kind of like the Def Oscar Jam tonight.”
Chris Rock Is Not Jude Law’s Biggest Fan
In 2005, Jude Law was everywhere — and Chris Rock was not having it. “You want Tom Cruise and all you can get is Jude Law?” Rock joked. “Wait. It’s not the same thing. Who is Jude Law? Why is he in every movie I have seen the last four years? He’s in everything. Even the movies he’s not acting in. If you look at the credits, he made cupcakes or something. He’s in everything. He’s gay, he’s straight, he’s American, he’s British — next year, he’s playing Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in a movie.”
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Rock Complimented and Made Fun of Michael Moore at the Same Time
Back in 2005, Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 about the United States following the attacks on the Twin Towers was a hot movie that Rock felt had been snubbed by the Academy. “One of my favorite movies this year was Fahrenheit 9/11,” Rock said, adding: “Michael Moore did not get nominated for an Oscar. Right now, Michael Moore is going, ‘I should’ve just made Super Size Me. I’ve done the research.'”
The Host Used a Gap Analogy to Explain Why the War in Iraq Made No Sense
If you’re going to host the Oscars during any of the eight years George W. Bush is in office, odds are the war in Iraq is going to come up like it did with Chris Rock. To explain to the audience in simpler terms what happened in Iraq, Rock compared Bush’s job as president to working at the Gap. “Now just imagine you worked at the Gap,” Rock said. “You’re $70 trillion behind on your register and then you start a war with Banana Republic ’cause you say they got toxic tank tops over there. You have the war, people are dying, 1,000 Gap employees are dead — that’s right, bleeding all over the khakis. You finally take over Banana Republic, and you find out they never made tank tops in the first place.”
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Rock Used His Same Gap Analogy to Explain Why Losing $70 Trillion Is a BFD
I don’t want to make any assumptions here, but I don’t think Chris Rock voted for George W. Bush. In his opening monologue, the host also criticized the former president for putting the United States $70 trillion in debt using his same Gap analogy. “Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job,” Rock joked. “Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You’re closing out the register and there’s $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right? Not Bush, no.”
