Just before drag queen Blair St. Clair made her emotional exit from season 10 of RuPaul’s Drag Race, she opened up to her fellow queens and the judges about being a victim of sexual assault. Standing on the main stage, the queen admitted that when she attended college, she was raped.
Now, in a new interview with Mic, Blair is opening up further about her experience and what it meant for her to tell her story on national television. “Before filming the show, I had never opened up and talked about that and it’s because it was something that I didn’t want to believe,” she said. “I felt there was something wrong with me for such a long time because I didn’t feel the need to be an oversexualized gay man in an oversexualized community that we live in, and I felt very odd.”
The queen added that while she is glad she spoke as candidly as she did on the show, the pain of that rape is still something she struggles with every day. “Just because I stand up and tell you today that I’ve experienced trauma in my life, that doesn’t mean that I’m OK tomorrow,” she said. “It means I’ve accepted it and I’m taking the first step and finally gaining healing. It means that I am officially and finally ready to take control of that aspect of my life and recognize that I have control of my myself today.”
Along with talking to the outlet about her sexual assault, Blair also spoke about the DUI she received before filming Drag Race. A TMZ report in October not only revealed that the queen would be competing on the next season of Drag Race, but that she was defying a court order to stay in the state of Indiana by competing on the show.
Blair said that after she had returned from filming and the TMZ story went live, she was overwhelmed by the people in her life who were judging her. “I didn’t really know what was going on, and then everyone else was placing their own judgment on me,” she said. “The person that can truly judge me at the end of the day is me, and it’s no one else’s business.”
But ultimately, after reflecting on her past and seeing the news coverage, Blair decided that she was going to quit drinking for good. “I finally decided to look at my life as a means for loving myself,” she said. “I didn’t recognize and I didn’t know and I didn’t understand for such a long time that I was not in a place of loving myself for so many things that have transpired in my life.”
Watch the full interview with Blair St. Clair below: