Both of these disguised divas have given pretty solid performances in previous episodes, so what the hell is their problem tonight? They each sound like they chased down a box of tacks with a bottle of Goldschläger.
Night Angel warbles Shania Twain’s pop-country anthem “Man! I Feel Like A Woman,” while Kangaroo struggles with Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown’s duet “No Air.” If forced to choose between the two, I’d say creepy Night Angel has this one in the bag.
Speaking of bags, tonight’s clues are luggage-themed, as in “what’s inside the contestants’ travel gear?” These shows were pre-taped before the entire airline business, along with the rest of the world, hit the skids thanks to the Coronavirus pandemic. So consider this all un-planned but ill-timed, nonetheless.
Night Angel’s clues include a bee, a crown and her saying, “I usually fly out over security.” Meanwhile, Kangaroo has Big Ben, a record player, a ship in a bottle and lipstick inside her bag. She adds that this is the first time she’s ever sung in front of anyone. Girl, it shows tonight.
Night Angel winds up with the most votes this round, so Kangaroo is off to the Smackdown.
Turtle vs. Astronaut
Somehow a guy in a turtle costume with a mohawk ended up being the heartthrob of the season. His competitor tonight is Astronaut, who I’ve been convinced for weeks is *NSYNC member Chris Kirkpatrick. Hours spent in my early 20s listening to “Thinking of You (I Drive Myself Crazy)” -- i.e. the only *NSYNC single Chris ever had lead vocals on -- has prepared me for this moment! Half of the Internet seems to agree with my assumption while a fringe pocket seems to think Astronaut is country singer Hunter Hayes. Whatever, kids.
Astronaut gives us a decent take on Shawn Mendes’ 2019 smasharoo “If I Can’t Have You.” His travel-bag clues include an accordion and the White House. Hmmm. Lance Bass, who infamously failed at a bid to become an astronaut, met with President Obama a few years back. And Justin Timberlake has performed at the White House before. You’ll never convince me this isn’t Chris Kirkpatrick until that mask comes off.
On the flip side, Turtle croons James Bay’s “Let It Go,” which gets Nicole on her feet “because #church,” she says. Perhaps the most telling clue is a tag on his luggage that says “Never Keep Open This Bag,” which breaks down into the initials NKOTB.
As for guesses, Yvette is the only panelist who puts out the name of a New Kids member (Joey McIntyre). Ken goes with Niall Horan because he says he starred in an unreleased version of the “Slow Hands” video, while Jenny guesses Adam Lambert.
Whoever it is, we’ll have to wait to find out, as it's Astronaut who fails to gain the votes to avoid the Smackdown.
Smackdown: Kangaroo vs. Astronaut
Kangaroo attempts to sing Donna Summer’s “Bad Girls” -- and twerk -- for her life. Astronaut goes for the obvious and belts out *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye.” Justice is served when Astronaut wins the round and Kangaroo is eliminated.
Jenny somehow pulls Jordyn Woods out of nowhere as her final guess on Kangaroo’s identity. You know -- Kylie Jenner’s ex-best friend, Jordyn Woods? The blonde panelist, who recently called JoJo Siwa as T-Rex, turns out to be correct again.
For the record, I’m putting it out there that I’m on the market to be paid as much as Jenny to watch enough TV to be a walking encyclopedia half of Hollywood C-listers.