Television

'The Masked Singer' Finale Recap: Who's Winning This Thing Anyway?

Fox Masked Singer
 Lisa Rose / FOX

Wayne Brady and host Nick Cannon in the “Road to the Finals / Season Finale: And The Winner Takes It All and Takes It Off” two-hour season finale episode of The Masked Singer.

It’s reality competition finale season, and The Masked Singer is doing its darnedest to razzle and dazzle with an hour and 57 minutes of filler, ahead of the other three minutes it takes to announce who won Season 2’s much-ballyhooed Golden Mask.

In this last episode of 2019, it’s all down to the final three contestants: Flamingo, Fox and Rottweiler. The first hour of this shindig basically recaps their journey since September, as well as that of the 13 other fallen contestants.

Panelist Ken Jeong left his ugly Christmas sweater at home, so you know he means business tonight as he takes his seat among his comrades in guessing, Robin Thicke, Jenny McCarthy Wahlberg and Nicole Scherzinger. Let’s dive into this nonsense.

Fox

As a final clue, Fox lets on that he’s “already won a famous duel on stage.” He then tears into Otis Redding’s classic rendition of “Try A Little Tenderness,” which will forever remind me of Jon Cryer’s “Duckie” character flopping his body all over TRAX record shop while trying to serenade Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink — something Victor Oladipo might have tried with Nicole Scherzinger a week ago if he had been more on his game. Geez.

Anyway, what’s going on? Oh, right. So, Jenny and Ken are boneheads and still think Fox is Jamie Foxx, because clearly in their world an Oscar-winning zillionaire needs to grovel for minor coins on this trash. Robin is adamant that Fox is Wayne Brady. And me? I don’t know anything anymore, because I’ve just been stuffing my face with cookies all month. It’s a wild world, kids.

Flamingo

Sassy Flamingo is on fire tonight, shaking her pink feather-covered booty all around to Ike & Tina Turner’s version of “Proud Mary.” Some folks might have slept on just what a vocal powerhouse this disguised diva is, but tonight she’s giving us straight-up soul and jumping through Miss Turner’s classic moves while flanked by fringe-clad backup dancers.

At this point, Jenny, Nicole and Robin are unified in thinking Flamingo is former Cheetah Girls member and The Talk co-host Adrienne Bailon. Meanwhile, Ken, who foolishly thinks the contestant is Fergie, delivers my favorite line of the night when host Nick Cannon asks him about the sunglasses he’s wearing: “This is from Robin Thicke’s unsold merchandise bin in the hallway.”

Rottweiler

Downtrodden Rottweiler continues to lament that he’s spent years trying to reinvent himself, and assures us that he’s capable of so much more than people originally thought. Case in point: He delivers a stellar take on Sia’s 2015 single “Alive.” Sia originally penned the tune for Adele, who ultimately opted not to record it. Sia’s own rendition of the song didn’t exactly set the world on fire. But Rottweiler’s soaring tenor allows him to breathe some new life into “Alive.”

Earlier in the season I was thrown by this dog’s voice. But as the weeks went by, I became more and more convinced it’s American Idol alum Chris Daughtry under that faux fur. “It’s Not Over” was one of my jams in 2007. You can’t fool me, Rottweiler.

You can, however, fool the panelists. Nicole and Robin still are convinced Rottweiler is Darren Criss. Ken thinks it’s actor Dave Franco for some reason that defies all logic. And Jenny goes with Jason Mraz. Because like Jamie Foxx, with the treasure of cash he’s made off “I’m Yours” alone, Jason Mraz must need a measly few grand.

Third Place: Flamingo. Jenny was right all along, thought Robin and Nicole eventually came around. It’s Adrienne Bailon.

Runner-Up: Rottweiler. Give me a cigar, because it’s none other than Chris Daughtry under the doggie garb.

Winner: Fox. Hand it to Robin, who for weeks has correctly maintained that Fox is comedian Wayne Brady.

And that, fair television consumers, is the end of that… until February 2, when The Masked Singer returns for Season 3. Super duper.