Troye Sivan Recalls What it Was Like Growing Up in the Closet: 'I Just Wasn't Experiencing Life'

Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
Troye Sivan performs on NBC's Today show at Rockefeller Plaza on May 28, 2018 in New York. 

As the release date for Troye Sivan’s highly-anticipated sophomore album Bloom quickly approaches, fans are already looking ahead to what’s next in the pop star’s career. With a supporting role in the upcoming conversion therapy film Boy Erased and a brand new North American tour beginning in September, the singer has established that he has much in store in the coming years.

But in a new interview with Them, Sivan took a moment to look back. The “My, My, My” singer talked about what it felt like having to grow up in the closet, saying that he felt like his life was being constantly put on hold. “Before coming out, I remember distinctly feeling like there was a delay on my life,” he said. “All my friends were doing just dumb stuff that kids do, like making out with people at parties and starting to date...I didn’t know any gay people growing up or any queer people growing up, and so I just really felt alone and kind of lost, and I just wasn’t experiencing life.”

He recounted a story where, when attending a party during high school, he became jealous that all of the other kids at the parties were sporting hickies from their romantic encounters, which he felt like he couldn’t have. “I pulled my best friend, who’s a girl, into a room and told her that I was devastated because everyone was having all these romantic and sexual experiences for the first time, and I just felt like I was sitting this one out,” he said. “She was so sweet and gave me a hickey on my neck so I could show it off a little bit to everyone else. It made me feel a little bit better, and also made me feel depressed for myself.”

But the singer added that while that experience is almost universal for queer people the world over, so is the experience he’s having now -- finding himself in a place where he does get to express that love openly. “Now, to be 23, maybe it’s a little weird to be experiencing these things for the first time, maybe it’s not,” he said. “I just felt excited to finally be getting the experience of crazy, unabashed love that I’ve always wanted to know and feel.”

Sivan also took the opportunity to officially address the long-standing rumors about his song “Bloom” being about bottoming. The singer said that while the song was about a personal sexual experience, to label him a bottom forever because of a song he wrote would be “completely reductive...I’m not branding that as myself forever. It was definitely just writing a song.”

Bloom is out everywhere Aug. 31.


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