Read Morgxn's essay below.
“write from your heart,” they say.
but what if your heart is lost. where do you begin? how do the pieces fit anymore when the one piece that holds it all together isn’t together at all.
i had a lot of breakdowns and breakthroughs while recording this record. most of them internal.
when you lose someone so close to you... like i lost my father so suddenly ... it stops you in your tracks. you forget why you came here in the first place and you start to think that it is all a little unfair.
but then you remember that he didn't bring you into the world in order to feel sorry for yourself or to be mad that he left too soon. he brought you into this world out of love and to let your love out. he didn't die so that you can start dying too.
at the suggestion of my producer he mentioned “boys don’t cry” by the cure. everyone knows the iconic guitar riff. but as i pulled up the lyrics.. i was struck with something so new. so vital.
boys don’t cry
is an admission.
that boys don’t cry...
boys actually weep.
it is ok to show how much it hurts.
it is ok to feel unmeasurable pain....
and for my father,
that i’m sorry for not understanding him before he was gone. i’m sorry that i didn’t say i love you enough when i had the chance.
when recording this version there weren’t edits or revisions. i sang it once, twice... possibly a 3rd time. what you hear is what i let out that day.
an admission that it hurts to be abandoned. it hurts to feel like a child again even when you’ve worked so hard to grow up.
but mostly that i love you and i’d do anything to tell you that again.
robert smith did hear my version. and the note from his publisher was “robert smith approves, which is rare.” maybe someday i’ll publish the letter i wrote him. but for now.. here is my version of a beloved song.
boys don’t cry.