Former Christian Music Star Andreas Moss Talks Discovering His Sexuality & Saving His Marriage: 'Nothing Is Black and White, Ever'
“I was the direct definition of living the double life. I went to a dark, dark place where I just became kind of soulless, honestly," Moss said.
Andreas Moss, formerly known as chart-topping Christian singer Jonathan Thulin (his birth name) may now be performing alongside acts like Juicy J, Cheat Codes and Fetty Wap, but it’s been an emotional journey into a misguided marriage, anonymous sex and self discovery that’s led here -- one that’s recounted on the electro-R&B artist’s upcoming self-titled EP, due this spring.
While his upcoming single, the bouncy “Deep Down Below,” wouldn’t sound out of place next to Dua Lipa and Zedd on a poolside playlist, its lyrics tackle a more sinister subject matter: addiction. “That song, in particular, is about a season in my life where there was a lot of meaningless sex,” the CURB Records signee divulges.
Another track, the throbbing slow jam “Kokain” (the “Swedish spelling,” he explained), was written from his wife’s perspective after she found out he cheated on her. “It was a difficult song to write because I had to put myself in her shoes. It's painful to know that I've hurt people around me by being selfish,” he says.
Moss’ complicated road to self acceptance began at a young age. Born to an Evangelical family in Sweden, his family relocated to the United States where they traveled the country in an RV performing gospel music five nights a week. While Moss grew up around conservative mindsets, he has fond memories of his childhood. It wasn’t until he was a teenager that he started to feel ashamed of his sexuality.
“By age 14, I hated myself,” the singer explains. “You're in scenarios where people tell you, ‘This is just a disease you have. You can be healed from this.’ And it’s confusing because then you sit and you pray and nothing changes.”
Rather than act on his urges, Moss did what he thought he was supposed to do: at 19, during one of his family’s frequent trips back to Sweden, he met a girl named Anna and eventually asked her to marry him. But he quickly saw that suppressing his feelings had created a domino effect. He found himself experimenting with drugs and cheating on his wife with several men -- including escorts -- while touring the country through the Christian music circuit.
“I was the direct definition of living the double life,” Moss explains. “I went to a dark, dark place where I just became kind of soulless, honestly. I didn't give a shit about people.”
But it was one Grindr encounter that woke Moss up from his sex-obsessed binge: the suitor met up with him, but decided against hooking up, apologized and hugged him.
“Something in my brain just went, ‘This is a person. This is not an item. This is a human being,’ “ Moss recalls. He knew he needed to tell his wife, but there was one issue: after a rough beginning, he had fallen in love with her. “We had this epiphany where we just really, truly fell in love in really beautiful way,” he explained. “I didn’t want to tell her that we were over.”
Ultimately, he broke the news -- to which she remained unfazed. She forgave him and the two decided to stay together in a monogamous relationship. Eventually, the couple welcomed a daughter who is now almost two years old.
“A big question that people ask me is, ‘Well, you're saying that you're gay, and it's confusing me because you're with a woman,’" he relates. "The thing is, I think some people really need a label to feel comfortable. I'm not really like that. You can call it whatever you want. If you want to call it bi, then that's fine. For me, my sexual orientation is an important part of me, but it's not everything.”
Moss acknowledges that his situation is unconventional, but he hopes his story inspires people who are confused about their sexuality.
“I am an anomaly. It's a very strange situation, but nothing is black and white, ever. I think there are so many kids, and there are so many people out there that feel like I felt, but there wasn't anybody to tell me that I was beautiful,” Moss said. “Bottom line, regardless of our gender, we're human beings. That's how we connect, really. Our souls connect, and we love each other because of who we are as people."