Goblin Cock, Diarrhea Planet, Lil Poopy & 13 Other Unfortunate Musician Names

Pooneh Ghana
Diarrhea Planet

There's no guaranteed pathway to success in music. There is, however, one surefire way to make things super hard on yourself: Pick a name that people can't say, spell or refer to without resorting to cutesy euphemisms on TV, radio or the internet. Radiohead? Weird, but you can say it. Butthole Surfers? OK, bad example, because the Texas madmen had a measure of success in the 1990s despite their explicit handle.

That doesn't seem to have slowed down stoner metal band Goblin Cock, who dropped their third album, Necronomidonkeykongimicon (click here to listen) on Joyful Noise Recordings on Friday. The group, led by Pinback's Rob Crow (under the pseudonym Lord Phallus), has established a reputation for doing everything a band isn't supposed to if they want to grab the big brass ring of success. It's all clearly a goof, but they're not the only ones who've picked an NSFW name that might be holding them back.

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We give you 13 bands/artists who are doing themselves no favors:

Goblin Cock

Lil Poopy

​The controversial 13-year-old lyricist released his first rap record, Ima Cokeboy, in 2009 when he was just 9 years old. The Massachusetts rep -- whose father was reportedly arrested in June and charged with conspiracy to distribute cocaine -- also appeared on season 1 of Lifetime's search for the next pint-sized hip-hop star, The Rap Game

Exploding Fuckdolls

This Orange County, California, punk band fronted by former pro skateboarder Duane "The Master of Disaster" Peters (Die Hunns, U.S. Bombs) and featuring twin brother bassist Art Godoy and drummer Steve Godoy (also former pro skaters) released one full-length, Crack the Safe, an overview of songs recorded from 1991-94. They appear to be on hiatus -- sorry, mom.

Diarrhea Planet

The rocking six-man garage punk band from Nashville has managed to carve out a successful life on the road and in the studio over the past eight years, releasing three albums -- including this year's rocking Turn to Gold -- as well as three EPs with a sound that mixes classic rock bluster with punk rock attitude. Even though their name sounds like worst NASA discovery ever.

Poohman

The Oakland MC (who also goes by MC Pooh) had a brief moment in the sun in 1992 when his album Funky as I Wanna Be peaked at #158 on the Billboard 200 albums chart. He released a pair of CDs on Jive in the early '90s and dropped his most recent effort, KAOS Theory, in 2014, with production by longtime collaborator Ant Banks.

Junglepussy

​The professional name for Vice Records rapper Shayna McHayle is in-your-face on so many levels. She's gotten tons of props from the likes of Erykah Badu and Lil' Kim for singles such as "Cream Team" and her 2015 full-length debut, Pregnant With Success, which featured her signature mix of humor and wry social critiques. Not a ton of airplay though because, well, the name.

Tea Bag Boyz

Talk about a one-hit wonder (without the hit). This crew are best/least known for their 2011 anthem "Tea Bag," in which they promise to do some not very polite things to your lady. It's not clear what happened to Self, DJ Will, Johnny Handome, Sha and Keino, but you can bet they got stuck with a ton of those "I Am a Tea Bag Boy" T-shirts.

Jon Cougar Concentration Camp

This San Diego-bred Rancid-esque trio first got together in the mid-1990s, releasing albums on punk labels including Second Guess Records, BYO Records, before splitting in 1999 and reforming in 2009 to release My Hair Hurts. Somehow, mainstream success has eluded them, despite this very rational explanation of their name in 1997: "We were just making fun of John Cougar Mellencamp, obviously. We were just calling him John Cougar butt-camp, and we just came up with Jon Cougar Concentration Camp. We get more publicity 'cause of that than because of our music, definitely. I mean, we're probably doing him more of a service than anyone. Punk rockers don't listen to Mellencamp."

Shorty Shitstain

One of the lesser-known member of the Wu-Tang Clan-affiliated Brooklyn Zu crew (Buddha Monk, Merdoc, Raison the Zoo Keeper) that rolled with Ol' Dirty Bastard, Shorty appeared on ODB's Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version and 2006's Zu-Chronicles, Vol. 2: Like Father, Like Son.

Gay Witch Abortion

Shawn Walker and Jesse Bottemly don't seem overly concerned with Billboard chart domination. Their noise band's two full-lengths and live shows are a bizarre mixture of metal power and experimental jazz time signatures that often sound like a needle stuck in a groove. Also, they're called Gay Witch Abortion... so.

Fucked Up

Who says Canadians are all nice and polite? Someone forgot to tell this Toronto terror, which has been pummeling audiences with their epic punk anthems at shows that often devolve into chaos and destruction. Despite their troublesome name (and cryptic stage handles that include 10,000 Marbles, Pink Eyes, Mustard Gas and Concentration Camp) the band has gained a respectable following, earned some glowing reviews and released three well-received albums on Matador Records.

Tough Tits

The U.K. trio made up of Liz, Ayesha and Hells has been together less than a year, but their debut EP, Hairless, gained praise on both sides of the pond even if their name combined with the mini-album's title are just about the most NSFW thing you could ever Google. Smash the patriarchy indeed.

Shit Robot

Sometimes a bad band name doesn't really fit the sound. This DFA Records band is a perfect example. The pseudonym for veteran Irish DJ/producer Marcus Lambkin has been used to release a string of inoffensive, groovy electronic tracks over the past decade.