Mel B Recounts Suicide Attempt in Excerpt From New Memoir 'Brutally Honest'

Mel B
Tommaso Boddi/WireImage

Mel B attends the NBCUniversal Summer Press Day 2018  at Universal Studios Backlot on May 2, 2018 in Universal City, Calif.

Mel B has an upcoming Spice Girls reunion tour to look forward to, but four years ago, she was in a much darker place. The singer and X Factor judge attempted suicide in 2014, a harrowing moment she's candidly recounted in her upcoming memoir, Brutally Honest.

"Here I am, 39 years of age, staring in a mirror in the en-suite bathroom of my rented house in Kensington, London, holding an open bottle of aspirin from the stash I’ve stockpiled over the years, putting one pill after another into my mouth," she writes in an book excerpt published by the U.K.'s The Sun. "As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself: 'Are you sure?' And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. 'Are you sure?'"   

"It’s Thursday night," she continues in the reported excerpt. "11 December 2014. I’ve come back from dinner with my husband Stephen. Tomorrow I’m going to The X Factor. It will be the red-carpet launch for the final weekend. I’ll be wearing a beautiful dress, my hair and make-up will be perfect. But if you want the absolute truth, I don’t care about any of it. My life is a mess and I want out."

Mel B , who was facing problems in her marriage with then-husband Stephen Belafonte, says she felt "emotionally battered" and "estranged from my family" and that she went on to take a total of 200 pills. (The couple went on to divorce in 2017, after 10 years of marriage.)

She writes: "I can’t remember the pain but I can still remember the fear, panic and absolute confusion in my head. Then everything started to go black and I collapsed to my knees. I could feel the life in me starting to drain away."

The singer realized she made a mistake and was transported to the hospital, where she was treated by doctors who told her it was unrealistic to return to The X Factor the next day. She says she stuck to her commitment, with bruises on show and without her wedding ring.

Mel B says each of her fellow Spice Girls tried to get in touch with her, but she refused to talk to them at the time. "I wasn’t ready, and I was too ashamed," she says.

Read the full excerpt from Brutally Honest here. The book is set for a Nov. 27 release.


The Biz premium subscriber content has moved to

To simplify subscriber access, we have temporarily disabled the password requirement.