XXXTentacion Talks Suicidal Thoughts & Troubled Childhood in Newly Surfaced Recording

Jack McKain


Months after 20-year-old rapper XXXTentacion was shot and killed in June, harrowing details about his 2016 domestic abuse case involving his ex-girlfriend have emerged. Billboard obtained a secretly-recorded 27-minute clip from the Miami-Dade County state attorney's office in which the MC, born Jahseh Onfroy, admitted to abusing his then-girlfriend and acknowledged his involvement in a 2016 stabbing in Deerfield Beach, Fla.

"I used to fuck her up. I used to fuck her up," Onfroy says in the recording, claiming his ex-girlfriend cheated on him during his stint in prison. "I put my source of happiness in another person, which was a mistake initially, but she fell through on every occasion until now. Until I started fucking her up. I started fucking her up 'cause she made one mistake." The rapper even vowed to "kill" her if she continued to play with his emotions.

Onfroy -- who was 18 at the time the recording was originally made -- spoke on his troubled childhood and how it later took a toll on his life. "You ever had to live with your mom being a stripper when you were younger? You ever tried to see somebody kill your mom right in front of you?" he asked the people in the room. "You can go get raped and I can tell you to suck it up, but every night you go to sleep and you remember what you [were] seeing and you remember how it felt. You remember that horrible feeling in your soul. Nobody can comfort me. It's something I gotta deal with."

On Oct. 8, 2016, Onfroy was arrested in Miami-Dade County, Florida, and charged with four felonies, including aggravated battery of a pregnant woman, domestic battery by strangulation, false imprisonment and witness tampering. In September 2017, a deposition given by his alleged victim highlighted a grim pattern of abuse, which included him stomping, punching and headbutting her.

"I disgust myself every day," Onfroy says in the graphic audio, which was first reported by Pitchfork. "I don't have no problem looking in the mirror. I disgust myself, and you know what's funny -- I love it. I love that I disgust myself."

Elsewhere, Onfroy entertained the thought of suicide and being "capable" of ending his life. "I will kill myself. You know what I'm capable of," Onfroy told an older man in the recording. "I reached a point in my life where there's a lot of obstacles that are mental. You don't know the pain."

Along with his troubling threats, Onfroy also spoke on a stabbing incident that took place in 2016 at Deerfield Beach, Fla. According to a 2016 story from the Sun-Sentinel, three men were wounded during the fight. Their injuries were not life-threatening. “I'm on [Miami] New Times for stabbing how many people?" he questioned. "How many people they put in the news? They said three, it was eight.” Afterwards, Onfroy took credit for another stabbing that he said took place in Orlando, where he reportedly lived in 2016.

In a statement to Billboard, the Miami-Dade County state attorney's office notes that "the defendant makes admissions to multiple criminal acts in the recording." The office identified the woman who created the tape and said that it was presented to them by her attorney. The identities of the other people on the recording weren't revealed. In addition, the recording was made without the consent of anyone on the tape, meaning the evidence would more than likely have been unusable in court. Billboard reached out to XXXTentacion's reps, who provided no comment regarding the newly surfaced audio. His attorneys didn't respond to a request for comment.

Following his death in June, Onfroy's single "Sad!" soared to No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. According to his manager, Onfroy is rumored to have "two albums worth" of music and has since been featured on tracks with Lil Wayne and Lil Peep. The rapper is also reportedly featured on Kanye West's upcoming album Yandhi. Earlier this month, he won best new artist at the BET Hip Hop Awards and favorite R&B/soul album at the 2018 AMAs; both prizes were accepted by Onfroy's mom.


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