Tech Elites Feel the Burn(s) in Chelsea Peretti's Crunchies Speech: Watch

Chelsea Peretti Emcee's the TechCrunch 9th Annual Crunchies Awards
Steve Jennings/Getty Images for TechCrunch

Chelsea Peretti Emcee's the TechCrunch 9th Annual Crunchies Awards at War Memorial Opera House on Feb. 8, 2016 in San Francisco, Calif.

Brooklyn 99 actress and comedian Chelsea Peretti unleashed a bevy of sick burns at TechCrunch’s ninth annual Crunchies awards on Monday night, which as she noted, had "all the glitz and glam of the Oscars with none of the pressure of public interest."

In her opening monologue, Peretti singled out Silicon Valley’s whiteness ("I hate all white men… sorry everybody here!"), tech also-rans ("who’s up in the balcony, is that Myspace and AIM up there?") and some of the awards themselves ("one of them is the 'Include Diversity' award… was that a literal note on your to-do list last year?").

There were also crackling digs at some of the biggest names in the tech world:

"Guys, Apple is nominated in the new hardware category for making a pencil. Apple, are y'all even trying anymore? Feels like you’re phoning it in, as always. Also, can I can use that pencil to cross out all the lines in the user agreement that I don’t agree with?"

"Snapchat is nominated tonight and they deserve it. This company has completely revolutionized the way teenagers get pregnant. So, bravo."

"There’s a big battle between Uber and Lyft. If this were basketball, Lyft would be the Clippers and Uber would be Kobe Bryant, because of all of the rape stuff."

Get the full rundown on the Cruchies here and watch Chelsea’s full monologue below:


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