Confession is tonight’s theme, as the denizens of the "Glee" universe a prodded to come to terms and admit the secrets they’ve been hiding. Some of these revelations are crashing halts while others are the stepping stones to moving forward.
We open with Will’s dream moment of “You’re All The World To Me” with Emma, dancing on the walls like Fred Astaire in “Royal Wedding.” He awakens, and assigns the glee club to do their songs for favorite movies, combining the request with a mashup boys vs girls challenge. The winner gets a starring role in Artie’s micro-budget feature, but clearly Sam should get the part based on his startlingly perfect Nicolas Cage impression. Blaine and Britt suggest as a warm-up the boys and girls do a number together, selecting the Isley Brothers’ “Shout” from Animal House. It marks the 500th musical performance of Glee, and is being sold as a charity single for the Give A Note Foundation. It’s big and bombastic Glee, with the duo leading the club to shout and dance their way through the entire school, from library to the cafeteria. Of course, as it ends Artie points out that it’s not a mashup. Oops.
Over in NYC it’s snowing and the gang -- minus Brody -- are all trapped together in Bushwick. Kurt and Adam’s solution is to start doing Downton Abbey impressions while Santana grills them about their status and almost reveals Kurt and Blaine’s wedding day hookup. Since classes are canceled Santana slyly suggests a fully baby-themed lineup of movies to watch, which Rachel vehemently refuses. Lucky for her, Kurt chirps “Moulin Rouge, bitches” and it’s decided.
We transition straight into “Come What May” which has been the song most-demanded by the Klaine fandom for their beloved couple. The only trick is it’s clear fantasy, with a tux-clad Blaine prowling a Moulin Rouge set rooftop, designed at first as a glossy fanvid of Kurt and Blaine’s past moments until Kurt enters the scene and they sing to each other. This is his fantasy, of course, as he watches the movie back at the loft, and we see Kurt even in fantasy look forlorn, aware he’s fantasizing.
Back in reality Kurt is crying, and trying to play it off as the fault of his non-existent contact lenses. Santana bluntly calls out that she assumes he’s crying because that was his and Blaine’s intended wedding song, and that he told her singing that song with someone was more intimate than sex. Lucky for Kurt, she swiftly switches gears from exposing his emotional vulnerability to admitting that she’s been snooping around their apartment (it’s a thing she does) and found $1200 and a pager in Brody’s things, leaving her to believe that he must be a drug dealer. Rachel tries to prove he’s not by calling him up at his “friend’s house” but he’s still acting shifty. We never get a Brody resolution this episode, but all signs continue to point to prostitute over drug dealer. Or maybe both, if he’s a smart guy who diversifies his income streams.
Freed from the snow, Kurt is back at NYADA practicing his dancing when Adam shows up, awkward because Adam has figured out that the Moulin Rouge duet was Kurt and Blaine’s song for real. He asks Kurt if he still loves Blaine, and when Kurt admits that he “desperately wants to be over him,” Adam grabs his hand and says they’ll find their own romantic movie to make their own. Kurt doesn’t refuse, but the look on his face tells you he’s not so convinced that there’s any romantic movies room left in his heart -- Kurt and Blaine have already evoked “When Harry Met Sally” and “The Notebook” and even “Twilight.” What else is there?
The final arc, and confession, of New York comes when Santana reveals privately to Rachel that during her snooping she found the pregnancy test. She prods and pokes in her typical Santana way until Rachel breaks, sobbing into her arms and leaving Santana to shift and comfort her. After an episode of Santana complaining about New York before claiming to have “found her place,” it’s Rachel clinging to her that fully solidifies her in the city and moves Rachel forward freed of her solitary secret.
Back in Ohio it’s finally time for the boys v girls showdown. Up first the boys mash up Bob Seger’s "Old Time Rock And Roll” with Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone" which just means there’s a lot of jumpsuits and thighs. Blaine takes the Loggins part, doing his best Top Gun impression, while Sam leads on Risky Business.
As the ladies prepare to go on Marley tells Kitty about Ryder kissing her last week. Kitty’s advice is to collect as many boys as she can, just like diamonds. This goes into the “Moulin Rouge” version of the "Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend / Material Girl" mashup sung primarily by Unique and and Marley. It’s fun and the duo are amazing together as always, but it’s a little cheap that the girls snagged an established “Moulin Rouge” mashup while the boys developed something completely unique. We’re calling this one for the boys.
Finn tries to push Will to seek out Emma and make things right, but when he won’t take matters into his own hands Finn gets Artie’s help, fakes a strange “Stop Ginger Bullying Club” with the use of passable wigs to convince Emma’s parents to reveal her location to them. Armed with that information, they convince Will to go after her. He shows up with the glee club to sing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” underneath her window. It’s Say Anything, with a live choir. And also a boom box.
Of course after the big confessional moment, Will shoos away the club so they can talk about their engagement. She titles her personal pamphlet -- “So You’re Freaking Out Because The Man You’re About To Marry Parades Back Into Town And You Feel LIke YOu DOn’t know him Anymore.” Will suggests they start from scratch, which may officially make them the most drawn-out TV relationships ever. Or perhaps it just feels that way.
Back at school Jake admits to Marley that he didn’t come up with all the romantic Valentine’s gifts, it was Ryder. His own idea was to re-create the pottery scene from Ghost by signing the Righteous Brothers’ "Unchained Melody." It’s about a thousand times too sexy of a number to do for the one couple that isn’t doing it yet. Marley starts imagining it’s Ryder singing to her instead, and as she snaps back to reality she backs off from kissing Jake and admits that she knew it was Ryder planning Valentine’s Day all along. Further, she reveals their kiss and Jake walks out. The fact that no one has come up with the logical threesome solution is beyond us.
The competition structure is deemed moot for the episode when Will decides everyone wins, apparently because Artie needs everyone to be the cast of his movie. He calls Finn into the hall to share the good news of his reconciliation with Emma, and even though Emma never revealed her and Finn’s kiss, Finn decides to come clean. He ramble and tries to justify his actions, going so far as begging Will to hit him like he deserves. Instead Will stares at him and then walks past him and away, silent. Then, despite the fact that emotionally the story has ended, everyone sings “Footloose.”
There’s nothing wrong with their performance of “Footloose,” but in an emotionally revealing episode it does nothing to move the story along or highlight any themes. That’s the only sour note, though, in an otherwise strong and interesting episode. Half our secrets need further development, but the fallout from the rest will be fodder for weeks to come.
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