Charlie Sheen's dirty laundry has never been quite out of sight -- but right now it's splashed across TV, news outlets and Twitter streams nationwide. With his bizarre, highly quotable interviews on "Today," "Good Morning America," "20/20" and a cavalcade of radio programs in recent days, the "Two and Half Men" star is the trainwreck that all of America can't stop staring at this week.
For the time being, Sheen shows no signs of ending his public parade, during which he's been expounding freely on his, um, unconventional views about sex, drugs and living like a rock star. So however he's choosing to live it up, we think he deserves a special kind of soundtrack.
He declared this week on "Good Morning America": "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen." So perhaps more accurately, self-love is his drug.
Sheen played the character of bad-boy pitcher "Wild Thing" in the "Major League" movies, but we can't help thinking this 1966 hit from U.K. rockers the Troggs is a fitting ode for the actor. "Wild thing, you make my heart sing," his many lady friends may cry out.
Sheen told CNN's Piers Morgan this week that he didn't "take" cocaine, because he had to pay for it. We won't nitpick over the semantics of his recreational activities, but may we suggest a certain old-school hip-hop classic as his background music?
Sheen's hit sitcom "Two And A Half Men" had to shut down for the season last week because of Sheen's absence and comments. His response? He went on the "Today Show" and boasted, "Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back. I'm just gonna forewarn them that it's everybody else that's going to be begging me for their job back." Johnny Paycheck once expressed this sentiment more concisely: "Take this job and shove it!"
Piss off my boss? Just don't give a f**k. Publicist quits? Just don't give a f**k. The American public questioning my sanity? Just don't give a f**k.
With as many stints in rehab as Sheen has seen, this might as well be his theme song. But in the past, he's been willing to go. His claims of a self-cure lately have been more in line with Winehouse's lyric: Go away to rehab, Charlie? "No, no, no!" Apparently, he's all set right at home.
T-Pain - "I'm In Love With a Stripper"
Sheen may be more of a porn star aficionado, but T-Pain's taboo tale can still serve as a cautionary one for him.
David Bowie - "Ziggy Stardust"
Sheen may have deemed himself a "total bitchin' rock star from Mars" in interviews this week, but David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust persona beat him to the punch -- nearly 40 years ago. Pay your respects to the original, Sheen.
Robert Palmer - "Addicted to Love"
Since Sheen is reportedly dating both a porn star and a model, jamming along to this right now wouldn't be such a bad idea.