'The Three Little Migos': A Classic Children's Story Retold With Rap Lyrics

Matthew Robinson
Three Little Migos illustration for Billboard.com.

From Slick Rick's funky fables to The Notorious B.I.G.'s underworld novellas, hip-hop is home to some of the greatest stories ever told. Narration is a core element of the art form, a necessity for rap purists. For Danny Brown, it's a skill he's taking off the beat.

Earlier this month, the Detroit MC announced his plans to drop a children's book in the vein of the late, great Dr. Seuss during an interview with Australia's Triple J radio station. "I don't know what was going on in that guy's brain to be able to write those things," he said of the Green Eggs And Ham author.

Just how might a fairy tale with hip-hop flavor sound? Billboard remixed a childhood staple -- The Three Little Pigs -- by adapting lyrics new and old and including some of our favorite rap characters for a fresh flip on a classic. Gather 'round kids, we got a story to (re)tell!

The Three Little Migos

Welcome to Atlanta, where the players play and ride on them thangs like every day [1]. The city is home to a young Takeoff, Quavo and Offset, three 'Migos who go back like PAs and wearing PJs [2]. Each is set on building his home in the Home of the Brave, with dirty dollars, beauty parlors, baby bottles, bowling-ball Impalas [3]. But they also heed advice from OGs, specifically The Abbot, who warned of the wolves roaming The A: "Yo, you best protect ya neck," [4] he advises.

So the three ATLiens go about building their own houses in College Park. Takeoff has dreams of sleeping with an R&B chick [5] -- FKA twigs to be specific -- so he gathers some sticks and tree branches and constructs his own giant Jenga castle sure to impress the UK princess. The welcome mat reads: "Versace, Versace, Versace." [6]

"You will never ever catch me, no, no," [7] Takeoff imagines saying to the wolves of the world.

Offset is the money-hungriest of the three, so he crafts his home out of paper. It's like an oversized origami; the print is entirely Versace.

"You will never ever catch me, no, no," [8] Offset imagines saying to the wolves of the world.

Quavo's home is symbolic of his drug kingpin dreams -- he stacks bricks for a sturdy safe house. His curtains, couches and comforters are all Versace, Versace, Versace [9].

"You will never ever catch me, no, no," [10] Quavo imagines saying to the wolves of the world.

One evening, after each Migo is settled into his crib, a BBW creeps up the block. This isn't the type of BBW for which Drake lusts; no, this is a Big Bad Wolf called Chief Keef. Keef is drunk -- he hates being sober [11] -- but also hungry, so he's creepin' on a come up [12]. He sees Takeoff's new house in the hood and his mouth begins to water.

Keef raps at the door. "Excuse me, little homie, I know you don't know me but my name is Keef and I like to blow trees." [13] Takeoff replies from within his tower of twigs: "If you ain't a hoe, get from 'round my trap house!" [14] The Big Bad Keef takes two steps backward and says, "H-U-F-F, huff and I puff, blow like snow when the cold wind's blowing." [15] And with one exhale, the house crumbles like pick-up sticks.

Takeoff removes himself from the wreckage and runs to Offset's paper palace, with Keef on his ass like dirt [16]. Offset runs in and slams the door. Again, Keef begins knocking like Jehovah. "Let me in now! Let me in now! Bill Gates, Donald Trump, let me in now!" [17] he barks. Offset, confused, answers from behind his door: "Go play somewhere, I'm busy." [18] The Big Bad Keef takes two steps backward and says "H-U-F-F huff and I puff, blow like snow when the cold wind's blowing." [19] And with one exhale the paper falls slow like confetti [20].

Takeoff and Offset run to Quavo's brick house with the BBW on their tails. They enter and slam the door. Once again, Keef approaches, staggering, drunker than them cops that Tupac shot [21]. He bangs on the door. "I'm the big bad wolf, it's a full moon, y'all," [22] Keef says. "Let-let-let me in, let-let-let me in." [23] Quavo answers, "Mama said no pussy cats inside my doghouse." [24] The Big Bad Keef takes two steps backward and says "H-U-F-F huff and I puff, blow like snow when the cold wind's blowing." [25] He exhales, yet the house doesn't budge. "We put that brick in your face, now what you gon' do with it?" [26] Takeoff boasts.

That that shit Keef don't like. [27] With the door locked and windows shut, the wolf tries to enter from above. "Straight down your chimney in your living room, it's I," [28] he says. A quick-thinking Offset places a large pot of water in the fireplace and lights up, like, "I'll light that ass on fire," [29] preparing to cook up some Keef stew.

Just as he's scaling the side of the house, the Big Bad Wolf called Keef's eyes widen and he begins to shout: "Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana!" [30] Lo and behold, a much more attractive treat -- Little Red Miley Cyrus -- is wandering in the distance, shaking like her booty had a seizure [31]. Keef darts from the house toward the forest after the hooded twerker, never to encounter the Migos again.


Footnotes

[1] "Welcome to Atlanta," Jermaine Dupri Feat. Ludacris
[2] "Still Not a Player," Big Pun Feat. Fat Joe
[3] "Aquemini," OutKast
[4] "Protect Ya Neck," Wu-Tang Clan
[5] "Just Playing (Dreams)," The Notorious B.I.G.
[6] "Versace," Migos Feat. Drake
[7] "Never Catch Me," Flying Lotus Feat. Kendrick Lamar
[8]  "Never Catch Me," Flying Lotus Feat. Kendrick Lamar
[9]  "Versace," Migos Feat. Drake
[10]  "Never Catch Me," Flying Lotus Feat. Kendrick Lamar
[11] "Hate Bein' Sober," Chief Keef Feat. 50 Cent and Wiz Khalifa
[12] "Creepin On Ah Come Up," Bone Thugs-n-Harmony
[13] "Homecoming," Kanye West Feat. Chris Martin of Coldplay
[14] "Hot Ni--a," Bobby Shmurda
[15] "M.E.T.H.O.D. Man," Wu-Tang Clan
[16] "Swag Surf," Lil Wayne
[17] "Country Grammar (Hot Shit)," Nelly
[18] "Takeover," Jay Z
[19] "M.E.T.H.O.D. Man," Wu-Tang Clan
[20] "Dead Presidents II," Jay Z
[21] "Loco-Motive," Nas
[22] "This Could Be Us," Rae Sremmurd
[23] "Money Baby," K Camp Feat. Kwony Csah
[24] "Hot Ni--a," Bobby Shmurda
[25] "M.E.T.H.O.D. Man," Wu-Tang Clan
[26] "Brick In Yo Face," Stitches
[27] "I Don't Like," Chief Keef Feat. Lil Reese
[28] "Fireman," Lil Wayne
[29] "Light Your Ass On Fire," The Neptunes Feat. Busta Rhymes
[30] "Hannah Montana," Migos
[31]  "Hannah Montana (Twerk Remix)," Migos

Illustrations by Matthew Robinson