Decemberists Frontman Pens 'Touching' Erotic Fan Fiction About Oregon Militia Standoff
Looking for ways to turn that English degree into big bucks? Decemberists singer-songwriter Colin Meloy studied creative writing at the University of Montana, and now, with a little help from Twitter, the 41-year-old frontman may have just turned that education into the best book of fan fiction you’ll (probably) never read.
On Tuesday, Meloy caught wind of the Oregon militia takeover. In a ridiculous turn of events that made national news, a small group of armed self-appointed “militiamen” protested a pair of jailed ranchers by occupying a remote wildlife refuge. And when we say “occupy,” we mean that they sat underneath tarps with rifles, threatening to stay for years. Meloy’s love of the written word kicked in, and he started penning Brokeback Mountain-style fan fiction about these 21st-century, Constitution-abiding patriots.
Here are the tweets that made #bundyeroticfanfic a trending topic:
"They huddled together for warmth. The cold of Ammon's Ruger 22 against Brian's naked thigh sent a thrill up his spine." #bundyeroticfanfic— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
"Jason pressed Jed against a rack of "Birds of Oregon" books; his breath was sweet with jerky. Somewhere, an egret cried" #bundyeroticfanfic— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
"'It ain't snacks I'm hungry for, Trevor.' Ryan's heart was beating wildly beneath the quilted flannel of his shirt." #bundyeroticfanfic— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
They spooned on the camo sleeping bag. Zeke playfully tousled Ted’s hair while he read aloud from the field guide (1/2) #bundyeroticfanfic— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
“Bittern. Chukar. Whimbrel. Black-capped chickadee.” Their Bushmasters lay by their side in the veiled moonlight. #bundyeroticfanfic (2/2)— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
Meloy signed off by thanking his supporters (some of whose submissions he retweeted) and wondering, “Do you automatically get a book deal if you start a trending hashtag?”
Well, one thing is for sure: Meloy writing fake sex scenes is a lot better than Morrissey trying to write realistic ones.