The lesson of this week's "Glee" is that everyone is a million times more interesting as a couple when they're not a couple. This is not to say that no one should ever enter a monogamous, loving relationship and our favorite ships should remain adrift forever, but the ride on the way to endgame is a lot of fun to watch.
It's wedding time for Emma and Will, but Finn is wracked with guilt about his kiss with Miss Pilsbury last week. First he tells Rachel, who tries to make it about her and his reaction to she and Brody shacking up. "Not everything has to do with you," Finn reminds her. Next he confesses his worry to Emma, who is in the midst of a complete OCD breakdown and snaps at FInn to just keep a wide breadth and his mouth shut.
Marley and Jake are together, but Jake is currently playing typical boy who does not know what to do for Valentine's Day, while Ryder steps in to Cyrano him to success, suggesting a serenade in class, which turns into a Marley and Jake duet on Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's "You're All I Need To Get By." The pair continue to deliver great musicality (Jacob Artist especially, we could listen to him all day) but this is all just filler until we can get to the real meat of the episode -- wedding day.
Quinn and Santana are sitting together, Quinn complaining about men and Santana complaining about Valentine's Day in general. Emma has tried to play matchmaker between Artie and her wheelchair-bound niece Betty, played by The Glee Project's Ali Stroker. She's immediately dismissive of him, saying she doesn't date "losers in chairs" because she's too hot for him. Marley has flowers waiting at the venue and while she thanks Jake, it's clearly Ryder who's planned this without even Jake's knowledge. Now this is just getting creepy.
Late to the church because the have much better things to do in the back of a Prius are Kurt and Blaine. Yes, that's right, Klaine didn't even need a drop of liquid courage to propel their wedding day hook up along, they're happy to grind on each other in broad daylight in a church parking lot. Obviously their fandom is not complaining. Kurt clarifies that he's "sort of seeing someone" in New York and that this doesn't mean they're back together. Blaine calls it "bros helping bros," which may be the best Glee line of the season, followed by Kurt's retort of, "I love when you talk fratty to me." Unfortunately they're interrupted by Mercedes who reminds them that hey, they're in a church parking lot and the wedding hasn't even happened yet. Save some of the spark for post-nuptials.
Of course, the wedding is looking pretty on-edge at least from Emma's point-of-view. Will begins singing "Getting Married Today" from Company as he stands at the altar and Emma spirals into total meltdown in her bridal suite. It's the pinnacle of a Glee musical theater fantasy sequence and Jayma Mays shines -- hitting all the right manic notes as she flees the church into a random cab not to be seen again this episode. It's Sue who breaks the news, leaving a dejected Will at the altar worrying to Finn about what's to blame for Emma's departure. He tells everyone to go one with the reception anyway while he searches for his fiance.
The dangers of having such an incestuous glee club come to fruition and everyone is mildly awkward at the party. Quinn and Santana start getting drunk and flirty as they watch Sam and Britt on the dance floor. Jake can't come up with his own gifts still, so Ryder provides his final item -- a box of jewelry he's been holding in his jacket pocket just in case. Jake admits that he thinks he'll get laid tonight, which ruffles Ryder even though it's clear Jake isn't just using Marley for sex. Kurt and Blaine take the stage to duet on Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough," a performance that makes us long for the day when Kurt and Blaine eventually host a really great Sunday Bingo Night at a gay bar in NYC.
While they sing, Rachel and Finn have a heart-to-heart about Finn letting go of his guilt over Emma, Artie manages to win bitchy Betty over for a dance, meanwhile Tina is furious that Blaine is gay. Still. As Klaine leaves the stage she corners Kurt and starts ranting at him about the way he's treating Blaine, such as how he's in New York and remains broken up with him. Kurt calls her out on her being a fag hag who is in love with Blaine. Tina rants back about how she's the only one taking care of Blaine and accidentally admits to her vapor rub incident last episode. As soon as the words are out of her mouth she realizes how creepy that is and flees as Kurt shouts at her about "vape-o-rape" his ex-boyfriend.
Meanwhile Rachel catches the bouquet and Finn meets her outside the bathroom on the balcony and proceeds to explain their love as a flower metaphor, plucking at a daisy playing the "she loves me, she loves me not" game lazily as he explains that they're endgame. Finn and Rachel get more compelling when they aren't solid, and this scene is actually gutting even if you don't define yourself as a Finchel fan. We're all rooting for them now. Rachel ends the flirtation by reminding Finn they have to sing their duet, but before the scene cut she pulls the last flower petal off for him -- she loves him. They sing "We've Got Tonight" by Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton as the couples slow dance, then transition to all of them sneaking off to their respective hotel rooms to have sex, each emphasized with their own line in the song about it being just tonight.
Our first post-coitus stop is Kurt and Blaine. As Kurt dresses himself in the mirror and Blaine pushes that they should obviously be back together now. Kurt remains aloof, yet flirty, and seductively leaves Blaine alone to flop in his bed in frustration, but not hopelessly so. Quinn remarks that sleeping with girls and experimenting is fun, she's not changing teams for good. Santana reassures her that she's not showing up with a Uhaul and proposes a round-two. Artie and Betty lay side-by-side. Only Rachel sneaks off before she can talk to Finn, apparently jetting directly back to New York in time to celebrate a belated Valentine's with Brody, who has decorated the loft like a drug store vomited cupids and hearts all over it. He can somehow tell she's been kissing someone else but because they're relationship doesn't have traditional definitions he just asks that she be honest. She isn't however, and then quizzes him on who he's been with since she's been gone. While he claims to have stayed in watching weightlifting videos, we see a flashback to him leaving a hotel room and pocketing cash. That's right, Brody is a prostitute. If only we'd known this earlier in the year, we'd have been way more into him from the start.
Back at school the next day Kurt and Blaine help wrap up the Tina-is-crazy plotline with a nice bow, telling her they get it and she's forgiven and they'll help her find a boyfriend. In the same hallway, Marley confesses that she knew Ryder was working as Jake's wingman with the gifts and thanks him, assuring him he'll make a great boyfriend for someone someday. He admits he wants it to be for her, and kisses her. It's more shocking that Jake didn't see the embrace, since they're so brazen about it in a crowded school hallway. The episode closes on Ellie Goulding's "Anything Could Happen," with the club dancing in the auditorium in such an un-choreographed manner it seems like a Harlem Shake video. As this earworm works its magic we see both Will looking forlornly at Emma photos on his phone on the sideline, interspliced with Rachel in New York realizing she's pregnant.
There was a lot to digest in this week's Glee, but a lot worthwhile. It's a bit of something for everyone -- some sex positive, queer time for Quinn and Santana, a chance for Artie to get a love-life that is not Sugar (although seeing Sugar and Betty face off in the future would be a major bonus), both the main couples displayed both positive rapport and continued romantic and sexual chemistry -- plus you got to see Will crushed. As we barrel into the last thrust of the season it's time to see if we can find cohesion to the themes of growing up on display all year. Rachel's pregnancy and how that plays out will be one area to explore this, plus Kurt's growth as both a star of NYADA and the master of his personal life is another. Plus when do our next batch of impending graduates set themselves up for the real word. Now that Tina isn't so crazy does she have time to apply to college? And just how many people can we cram into that Bushwick loft come. This episode doesn't have those answers, but it does get us set up to find them.